Slipping Away
by ReiaGZ
Summary: "Chlark" Journals have been known to help one express their feelings. A Smallvillian makes use of that expression when a teacher assigns the class to writing a journal over the summer.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Slipping Away  
Author: Reia   
Disclaimer: Smallville does not belong to me. Sad but true.  
Summary/Rating: Chlark PG13 - Journals have been known to help one express their feelings. A Smallvillian makes use of that expression when a teacher assigns the class to writing a journal over the summer,  
  
Author's Note: Songs used in this chapter belong to Aaliyah (rip 2001) & Pink. Slightly AU using bits of season 1 and even smaller bits of season 2.  
  
  
  
Shadows are falling, all over town  
  
I am not stupid, nor am I an idiot. I am very much aware of my surroundings and the people that I come into contact with daily. When something goes wrong I can pretty much pinpoint the moment that it started to unravel. Most people do not notice when their life starts to fall apart. As for me I that was the only thing I could focus on.   
  
Another night and these blues got me down  
  
I blame myself for the rift in my life. Funny thing about people, they never want to take the blame for their own actions. I do not seem to have that problem. My pain is just as much my fault as it is anyone else's. I refuse to throw a pity party. I am satisfied in keeping it as just a solitary affair.  
  
Oh misery, I sure could use some company  
  
My life started to unravel during a moment that I thought would go down as one of the greatest and happiest memories of my teenage years. Now I realize that I should have said no. At least that would have just left me with questioning myself about What if?. Instead I am left in shambles.  
  
Since you've been gone I aint been the same  
  
. . . . . . . . . .   
  
"Hey Clark. How's it going?" Clark smiled at the lovely dark haired girl standing before him.  
  
"Hey Lana. Everything's great."  
  
She glanced down at the writing notebook in front of him. Getting started on Mr. Polish's writing assignment?"  
  
"Yeah. I might as well get started."  
  
"Writing a summer journal should be fun." Lana said as she sat down. "So what are you plans for the summer?"  
  
Clark shrugged. "The usual. Work around the fall. Hang out with Pete whenever I can. What about you? Are you going to visit Nell still?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm leaving tomorrow. Gabe is going to drive me into Metropolis since he needs to go there anyway for some business with the plant."  
  
"Chloe already left for the Daily Planet?"  
  
"Didn't she tell you? She didn't get the internship this year."  
  
"No, she didn't." He shrugged. "I guess I've been a little to preoccupied lately. So who's going to manage the Talon while you're gone?"  
  
"Lex hired someone to look after the place." Lana stood up. "I really have to get going. I'll call and email you as much as possible. Kay?"  
  
"Kay. Have fun see you later."   
  
Chloe watched Clark as he watched Lana leaving the café. She sighed and went back to her own writing. Neither Clark nor Lana had noticed her sitting alone in the corner.  
  
I carry this weight like an old ball and chain  
  
. . . . . . . . . .   
  
The house was silent and empty when Chloe woke the next morning. She rolled out of bed and shoved her feet into her favorite pair of Scooby Doo slippers. Not able to deny the pleas of her stomach she ignored the teasing of her bladder and headed downstairs to the kitchen.  
  
As she prepared breakfast she grabbed the spatula and pretended to be a famous TV personality. "Well Chloe, baby, you have the whole house to yourself for the summer. What are your plans?"  
  
"Well Regis, darling, my plans are to do the unplanned. Carpe diem is my motto."   
  
She smelled something burning. "Oh crap, my eggs."   
  
After getting rid of the burnt product and starting over she sat down to breakfast. Once she finished eating she cleared away the dishes and headed back to her room. One hour later she emerged clean and smelling oh so good.  
  
It dawned on her as she stood in the empty living room, "Gee, all cleaned up with nothing to do." She sighed and sat down on the living room sofa. Picking up the remote she began to flip through the stations.  
After ten minutes of aimless flipping she threw the remote at the TV missing it by scarce centimeters.   
  
"Who am I kidding? Being alone sucks." She screamed.  
  
. . . . . . . . . .   
  
What would I do if one strange morning  
  
I don't know, maybe I am an idiot. Or just someone who doesn't recognize a good thing when it's staring you right in the face. Is loss of friendship worth all this crap? I know I made a mistake. So, why does it have to be different from all the others? Why can't a simple apology just make it go away? Regret is not a good feeling.   
  
I opened my eyes to find you gone  
  
Never again will I take some precious to me for granted. But it's now to late for what I have already lost. It hurts so much. This is the most pain that I have ever experienced in my life.  
  
I can't imagine how I would survive  
  
I should stop pitying myself though. It is my fault that I am in this predicament. I should have never opened my big mouth. I opened my big mouth and made the biggest mistake of my life. For that I suffer.   
  
I can't imagine how I would go on  
  
. . . . . . . . . .   
  
Clark closed his journal and set it aside. He stood up and walked over to his telescope. Instead of looking through the lenses he picked up the telephone next to it and dialed a very familiar number.  
  
Chloe paused in her writing to answer the phone on its third ring, "Hello?"  
  
Silence answered. Clark was at lost for words.   
  
"Hello?"  
  
He had no reason for calling.  
  
"Hey buster, I can here you breathing."  
  
Clark hung up.  
  
Chloe listened to the dial tone. "Idiot."  
  
She tapped the phone's antenna against her chin in a thoughtful manner. Then she began to dial.  
  
Clark stared at the phone through two rings before picking it up on the third. "Hello?"  
  
Chloe couldn't find the voice to speak.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
She could not think of a reason for calling him.  
  
"Listen, I know…"  
  
She hung up.  
  
"…it's you Chloe. I just want to say that I…" Clark realized he was talking to a dial tone.  
TBC 


	2. 2

Have you ever heard the saying, **_'I think I'm dreaming so pinch me'_**? Or the saying, **_'Pain before pleasure'_**? Do you want to know what those two phrases have in common? … Well I am going to tell you anyway.

Each phrase brought me to the conclusion that I love pain. I know you're asking yourself what person in their right mind would love pain and why. It's obvious that I am not in my right mind.

Pain let's me know that I am still alive. I am still a living, breathing person. A person with feelings. My pain let's me know that I am on the road to recovery. It is there to tell me when it is time to fight or time to move on. Right now it' is screaming at me to move on. I want to listen but …

Damn! Here she comes.

My mortal enemy. Two days of my summer vacation has been wasted by her. She sucks and I don't like her. I wish she would just leave me alone and allow me to enjoy my pain. Pain allows me to forget. She just makes me think harder. 

Right now you are probably confused and wondering who I am talking about. Well I will help you out. I am talking about Regret. Yeah that's right. Regret! A feeling not a person. For every two steps I take forward on my path to recovery regret takes me six steps back.

Regret! Damn.

What a waste of pain.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Pete sat and watched as his two best friends practically ignored each other. He shook his head at the sad sight. Neither one noticed. Both engrossed in their writing. He looked down at his own mainly empty journal and closed it with a audible thump. 

"You guys this sucks. Let's go do something."

Chloe looked up at him with a smirk and one raised brow. "Like?"

Clark didn't even bother to look up he continued writing. Pete reached over and yanked his pen out of his hand. "I don't know. Anything but this."

Clark sighed realizing he wasn't going to get anymore writing accomplished. "I don't have much time to do anything today Pete. I have to get back to the farm."

Pete knew Clark didn't have any pressing chores to do that could not be done later. He was just trying to avoid being in Chloe's presence longer than necessary. Pete said out loud. "I don't understand you two."

They both stared at him in confusion. "What?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. Never mind. Look Clark your dad is not making you stay chained to the farm. He can spare you for the day. And Chloe just because you didn't get to go to Metropolis doesn't mean that this whole summer will be a bust.

We have spent the past two days doing nothing but write in these stupid journals. I for one am bored as hell. And I know you two are as well. Let's go rent some movies go back to Chloe's place and pig out in the sun room or something." He stood up and gathered up his stuff. "Come on. Are y'all with me or against me?"

Clark looked to Chloe for her reaction before dropping his eyes to stare at his tattered notebook. His ears were cocked waiting for her response. 

Chloe shrugged. "I guess I'm with you."

Clark bit his lip then looked up and say. "Yeah, count me in. Drumline just came out and I didn't get to see it at the movies."

"Great. Now let's get out of here."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

The three teens were walking down the aisles of the video store when Clark finally addressed Chloe directly. "You know I'm really sorry that you didn't get the intern at the planet this summer. I know how much you were looking forward to it."

She shrugged. "Yeah, well, I guess it wasn't meant to be. However, I'm sure there will not be a lack of action this summer. After all this is the home of the unexplainable meteor mutants phenomenon."

"Do you really think something will happen this summer? I mean there has been no activity for a month now."

She smirked. "Calm before the storm. Then again Lana is not here to need rescuing so this summer should pretty much remain meteor freak free."

Clark didn't no what to say to that. Chloe mentally kicked herself and thought, 'Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut.' They both withdrew back into their silence. 

Clark eventually slowed his walking to a crawl and he was about to change direction and walk away from Chloe when she spoke.

"Look Clark, I didn't mean that to sound as bitchy as it did. I haven't been in the best of moods and I'm not trying to blame it on you. It's just that…" She faltered, unable to form words to express her feelings. So she settled for a gallic shrug. "Never mind."

"Have you guys picked anything out yet?" Pete walked up to them with two movies in his hand. When he didn't receive a response Pete looked up at his friends. Upon noticing the forced cheerful looks on his he sighed. 'These two are so pathetic.' He thought to himself. "Well, I have 8 Mile and HP: Chamber of Secrets. My hands are full Clark. Go get Drumline and Chloe you go get How High."

He watched as they walked off in separate directions. 'I wish those two would just get it together. These moments of angst are just getting on my damn nerves.'

TBC


	3. 3

****

Disc: I rechecked and of course Smallville still doesn't belong to me. That freaking sucks. Song used is Misery by Pink and Walk Away by Christina Aquilera. **A/N:** I didn't start this fic out with the intent to be a sadistic mind and not reveal the writer of the journal. However, it's turned out that way so just bear with me. I love feedback but hate flames... Sorry it took so long to spit out this chapter.

****

Slipping Away **(3) **

__

Misery, misery

Love is slipping through my fingers, like grains of sand. I don't know what to do to keep it from just fading away. I should have just settled for friendship. But I couldn't. I was greedy, begging for more. Now greed has left me with a shadow of what I used to have.

__

Tell me why does my heart make a fool of me

****

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Ha! I'm not only in danger of losing one friend, but two. How is that supposed to make me stronger? If… If… ever found out about what I did, they would be totally pissed. 

__

Misery, Misery

Tell me why, why, why, does my heart make a fool of me

Sorry Mr. Marshall can't use names here. It's bad enough I'm spouting this all off where you can see it. Though I doubt I'll even turn this in. Fuck, I'm sick of writing in this freaking you journal. It's no help at all. It makes me think too much. I don't need to think.

__

Guess it's all meant to be

For love to cause such, Misery

Damn!

"Shit!" Clark and Chloe said in unison as they both threw their notebooks across the room. Both notebooks landed safely at Pete's feet.

Pete ignored his two temperamental friends and went back to playing his PS2. 

Clark found himself pinned by Chloe's shrewd glare. "Clark Kent curses?"

Clark found himself blushing slightly. "I'm not a saint Chloe."

Pete paused his game. "What do you two write about in those journals? It's like you've been glued to them all summer long." He reached down to pick up Clark's but wasn't surprised when it was yanked out of his hands.

Chloe grabbed hers before Pete could reach for it and stuffed it in her book bag. "I don't even want to talk about that stupid assignment Mr. Marshal gave us."

Clark packed away his notebook as well and stood up. "Listen guys, it's time for me to go. My parents are riding into Metropolis for some type of anniversary and they want to give me some last minute instructions before they leave."

Chloe held up her keys. "Do you want a ride home? I'm about to leave as well."

Clark looked over Chloe's shoulder to where Pete was nodding madly. "Yeah sure. I've had enough walking for today."

Clark made a motion to help Chloe with her laptop bag and book bag. Chloe smirked at him. "Gee, Mr. Neanderthal, I think I have a handle on things."

Clark backed up. "I was just trying to be helpful."

"A little to late to be helpful Clark. I'm not your precious Lana Lang." Chloe blurted out.

A hurt look came over Clark's face. "I told you I was sorry about that Chloe." He shook his head and turned to walk out the house. "I think I'll walk home after all."

Even Pete had winced at Chloe's sharp tone. "Man, Chloe, that was a low blow. You think you could have pulled a few punches?"

An apologetic look came over Chloe's face. "I didn't mean it. I just had a momentary lapse in judgment." She looked up at him with a 'what should I do look?'.

"Well don't just stand there. Go after him." Pete practically shouted.

Chloe nodded. "You're right. Talk to you later."

She ran out side and yelled out. "Clark!"

He heard her but chose to keep walking. "Clark! Wait up. I'm sorry!"

He finally paused and let her run up to him. "No need to apologize. I'm the one who should apologize to you. I'm the one who ditched you last year."

Chloe sighed. "Yeah but you had a good excuse and besides you've already apologized like a million times. Besides, I don't know what came over me. Maybe I'm just pms-ing or something"

Clark kicked a pebble that was next to his shoe. "Too much information, Chloe. Anyway, I can't help but apologize because it's obvious that our friendship has been falling apart since that moment. Chloe I can't afford to lose you. And by the way we've been avoiding each other this summer is just wrong."

"Clark, I don't know what to say to make you realize that nothing has changed between us. We will always friends." Chloe said.

Clark sighed. "Yeah friends but what if…" Clark shook his head. He didn't want to finish that statement.

"If what, Clark?" Chloe prompted him to continue.

"Never mind. How about I accept your apology if you accept mine?"

Chloe thought about for just a minute. "Okay sounds like a wonderful Idea."

They both climbed in the car. The ride home was a silent but comfortable one. Both were lost in their own thoughts. Though they knew that the fences were far from mended they knew that at least they were on the right track.

________________________________________________________________________

__

I can make it  
It's some state I'm in

I was talking to Pain the other day. (Damn, I sound insane.) Anyway, I think I've found a way to get rid of the slut, Regret. I'll just beg some help from forgiveness. 

  
_Getting nothing every time  
What did I do to deserve_

Then again Pain has been telling me what a stupid idea that is. I honestly think pain is just getting a little too attached. _(The pain of this moment) _Hanging out with my friends so far this summer has brought me to the realization that if it was meant to be it will happen. If it wasn't, oh well. 

I should dwell on it too much. I mean yeah I love this person and yeah I screwed up. But, is that any reason to bring others down with me. Should I start this vicious cycle all over again during next school term?

  
_And everywhere I turn_  


Damn, Regret is still trying to sneak up on me. Why the hell is she bothering me?

__

I keep going right back   
To the one thing that I need to walk away from

Shit! Seeking forgiveness is not as easy as I thought.

TBC


End file.
